What Happens When You Challenge or Leave a Narcissist

They erupt in narcissistic rage and behave in predictable patterns - so you can prepare

Photo by Alexey Demidov on Unsplash

If you’ve ever stood up to a narcissist—or decided to walk away—you know that things do not end quietly. Rage, vindictiveness, and obsession take over. Narcissists double down on control, double down on their grip on the children, double down on punishment and double down on rage. They seek revenge. People with these patterns of behavior just don’t let go. They are unable to manage their emotions. They react. Dramatically.

The below discusses the sources of narcissistic rage, how it plays out in predictable patterns, and how to deal with it and protect yourself.

Narcissistic Rage

Rage is an extreme anyway, but so much more so for a narcissist. Challenge a narcissist’s sense of superiority, and you will see a sudden burst of anger—or narcissistic rage. They’ve been wounded to the core, or rather, their false self, because in truth, there’s no one there. The eruption of rage is infantile, out of control, a toddler throwing a tantrum. That’s the approximate developmental age of a narcissist, who’s most decidedly not a fully developed person, but someone stuck in the early phases of development.

Narcissistic rage is an abusive, manipulative — often accompanied by screaming — form of intense anger, and a key characteristic is that it’s misdirected and totally out of proportion. Their perception is not based in reality, but filled with distortion and fantasy, hence their distorted responses. They’ve created a fantasy world, a false connection with their victim based on mirroring, or mimicry. They hold up a mirror to the victim’s self, shoring up narcissistic supply by revealing a recognizable, idealized version of the victim. While this is how children learn, and is a healthy aspect to development (and indeed other interactions), the intentions of the narcissist are not healthy; they lack empathy, and they are designed to be exploitative and manipulative.