The Distinction Between Narcissistic Abuse and Coercive Control

It's all abuse - but they are not the same

Narcissistic abuse and coercive control are distinct—they are not the same. Both are abuses, and neither should be tolerated. But the distinctions are important. Not all coercive controllers are narcissists. It’s vitally important to recognize patterns of behavior that are harmful and increase awareness. Most abuse isn’t about a personality disorder; it’s about power. And unfortunately, psychological abuse isn’t often recognized as being as harmful as physical abuse, and there’s little support or recourse for the victim-survivor.

Narcissistic abuse is perpetrated by those with narcissistic traits who seek to establish their inner landscape, which is a void, and assert their omnipotence. The domination and control of their victim, so undermining to the victim’s self-worth, is actually inconsequential to the abuser because they don’t see the victim as a real person at all — they’re just a fantasy.

Coercive control is about systematic domination where the abuser seeks to control every aspect of their victim’s life, from their finances to their social interactions. The perpetrator may also engage in physical and sexual abuse. The coercive controller acts with intention.

Coercive controllers are toxic; they are poison.

Their need to control is driven by their entitled drive for power, and they dominate via an exacting strategy of threats and intimidation. It requires the use of isolation, surveillance, and restriction as tactics. This type of abuser is deeply insecure, as is someone with NPD, but for a coercive controller, who is filled with rage, it is more about creating an environment of dependency through terror. It’s estimated that 95% of DV survivors experience coercive control.